Do I Need Therapy If My Relationship Is Struggling?
If you’ve found yourself here, it’s likely been a tough time for you. Our romantic relationships are SO tied to our sense of safety and comfort in this world. When the alarm bells go off there, it’s no wonder you’d be looking for answers and solutions. Every relationship goes through rough patches, and we often hear the phrase “relationships take hard work,” but what does that actually mean? When is hard considered “normal,” when is hard considered “time to go to relationship therapy,” and when does hard mean “not the relationship for me?” Ugh! I hear you. While there isn’t always a perfect answer for some of these questions, there’s definitely clarity that can be had. I’ll help you walk through some signs and explain a bit about how therapy could potentially help both you and your relationship.
What Does “Relationships Are Hard Work” Really Mean?
It’s totally normal to struggle in your relationship, and yes, relationships are hard work. One way I like to describe it is: relationships are hard work, but they’re not hard labor. It’s normal for relationships to have seasons of difficulty and seasons where the time goes by more easily and smoothly. However, are the seasons of difficulty starting to outweigh the times that are smoother? That might be an indicator that you’re heading into the hard labor zone.
The reality is relationships are A LOT of things, good, bad, easy, hard, sad, happy… You name it. A question I often ask couples and individuals who meet with me at my online NYC therapy practice is, “What resonates with you more — do you feel good in your relationship often, and sometimes feel bad? Or do you feel bad in your relationship often, and sometimes feel good?” While the answer to that question doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, if you’re feeling bad most often while only occasionally feeling good, it may mean that the work in the relationship is getting a bit too hard.
What Are Signs That It Might Be Time For Therapy?
OK, take a seat, take a deep breath, and I’m going to hit you with my first, most loving therapy thing I may say to you… You found yourself here, and that’s the first sign it’s probably time. The truth is, if it’s not time for therapy, people usually aren’t thinking about it.
An example I often give is: if your phone is working, you’re not really thinking about the fact that your phone is working. However, if your phone isn’t working, you’re thinking about it. Every time you go to use your phone… ugh, there it is again, I need to take this to the store. Sometimes relationships can be similar. And therapy… well, it’s a bit more enjoyable than the Verizon store (hopefully!).
If I had to simplify it even more, this is probably the best question I could ask: “Are you having an issue that you’ve tried to fix together on your own and haven’t been able to?” If the answer to that question is yes, then it’s likely time to start working with an online relationship therapist. The other stuff, like how long you’ve been together, whether you’re dating or married, kids or no kids… We’ll get into that later down the line. But as far as starting therapy? It’s really similar to almost anything else. If I can’t do it on my own, if we can’t do it on our own, it’s perfectly OK for it to be time to need someone else to help us. Just in case, here are some other signs:
You keep having a similar fight over and over
You’re afraid to bring up certain topics for fear that it won’t go well
There’s been some sort of betrayal
You’ve considered breaking up before
What Can Relationship Therapy In NY Help With?
Relationships are a skill, and like any other skill, they can absolutely be learned. If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, sometimes it’s because there’s a relationship skill you or your significant other hasn’t mastered yet. That’s not a sign that something is wrong with you or your partner, but rather an indicator that there’s hope and growth to be had. Relationship therapy serves as a structured place where we can slow down and really hear one another. When we’re able to do that, we’re often able to see the problems and concerns a bit more clearly. And when that happens… well, they feel and become a bit more solvable.
Communication skills, rebuilding trust, understanding one another, and deepening intimacy are all goals of relationship therapy that I see being accomplished each and every day. Even couples who feel on the brink of ending the relationship have found relationship therapy to be incredibly meaningful and helpful. I know this sounds scary, but even if you’re not sure this is the right relationship for you anymore, relationship therapy can still be beneficial.
You don’t need to wait until things are really bad to seek support in your relationship. In fact, I usually recommend that once even one partner starts considering therapy, the sooner you start, the better. Problems tend to grow if they go unaddressed, and it’s often much more effective (and respectful to each other) to begin the process of repair sooner rather than later. Therapy isn’t about something being broken. In fact, it’s about being willing. Willing to try, to grow, to understand each other and ourselves in a new way. And that willingness? Well, that’s often the ‘secret’ we’re all looking for.
What Are You Waiting For? Reach Out To An Online Relationship Therapist In New York
If your relationship feels off balance, you don’t have to keep guessing whether things will get better on their own. Relationship therapy can offer the clarity, support, and emotional tools you need to better understand your connection—and yourself. At Connected Healing Therapy, our skilled NYC therapists are here to help you work through relationship struggles, anxiety, insecurity, and more. If you’re questioning whether therapy is the right step, that alone may be a sign it’s time.
Here’s how to begin:
You can find the support you need to address lingering issues. Schedule a free consultation to discover how you may benefit from our services.
Instead of trying to navigate relationship issues alone, start working with a compassionate online relationship therapist in New York.
Begin seeing the benefits of therapy in your life—not only in your relationship, but in your own journey of self-discovery.
Other Online Therapy Services We Offer In NY & NJ
Relationship therapy can help you work through emotional challenges that may be impacting your connection, and ultimately guide you toward more secure, fulfilling relationships. But healing rarely happens in isolation, and we recognize that relationship issues often surface alongside deeper individual concerns. At our NYC-based practice, we offer more than just relationship support. Our experienced team provides a wide range of services, including individual therapy, anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, couples therapy, breakup counseling, and ADHD treatment. Whether you’re rebuilding after a breakup, navigating anxiety, or simply seeking clarity in your life and relationships, we’re here to help you every step of the way.
About The Author
Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is an experienced online relationship therapist who specializes in helping individuals navigate relationship anxiety, breakups, and recurring patterns in love that feel confusing or unmanageable. She holds a Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and is trained in a range of evidence-based modalities, including EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. Kacie thoughtfully integrates these approaches to support clients in healing emotional wounds and building more secure, satisfying romantic connections.
Over the years, Kacie has supported both women and men who thrive in many areas of life, such as career and friendships, but feel stuck when it comes to romantic relationships. As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, she chose the name to reflect the guiding principle of her work, inspired by the quote: “We heal in the context of others.”
Kacie believes that while many relational wounds are created through connection, they can also be healed through it. This belief fuels her passion for therapy as a powerful space for emotional growth, clarity, and deeper intimacy in relationships—especially in today’s digitally connected world.
