Healing After A Breakup: Get The Support You Need With Relationship Therapy
In both my personal and professional experience, breakups have been some of the most painful, gut-wrenching things to go through. In the early stages, they offer very few moments of peace. You wake up in the morning, and there’s a split second before full consciousness where you feel okay… and then it hits you. Your stomach sinks, your heart beats differently, and the emotions flood in.
Even if you know this was the right decision for you, breakups are incredibly difficult. The timeline of healing is unclear, unpredictable, and often not linear. While very little can truly make a breakup feel better, this post will hopefully offer a few more moments of solitude. Explore some practical steps to feel slightly more grounded and the benefits of therapy for relationship issues in NYC.
Feel Your Feelings
Okay, I know I’m coming in with a therapist cliché here. I will make a promise to you, though: I only bring in therapy clichés when I know they were invented for a reason. Feeling your feelings, “processing” them, however people phrase this one, it actually is a real thing, rooted in good ol’ evidence.
So, what does it mean to process my feelings, and how do I do that?
To start with the first step: put a name to it. Checking out a feelings wheel online is a really helpful tool, but I’ll also list some common feelings after a breakup here: sadness, shock, anxiety, relief, rejection, guilt, confusion, loneliness. Ask yourself which feelings are coming up, and then acknowledge that. You don’t have to do anything with that just now besides acknowledge it, label it, and try your best not to judge it.
I did leave an emotion out of the above list, and that’s because rather than it being an optional emotion, it’s typically a staple in the breakup period, and that’s grief. I know it sounds confusing because when we think about grief, we often think about death, and we’re often taught that that’s when we experience grief. However, the precursor to grief is loss, not only death, and with a breakup, you’re certainly experiencing a loss.
Grief is painful, and it’s wildly uncomfortable to feel. If you’re noticing yourself trying to avoid feeling or labeling the grief in some way, I don’t blame you. As a relationship therapist in New York, I recognize that we don’t necessarily want to feel uncomfortable emotions. However, if we don’t feel them, if we don’t label them, that doesn’t mean it’s not happening, and when we push off the things that are happening as things that aren’t, they often find other, maybe even more harmful, ways to show back up.
Get Curious, Not Critical
A breakup is an easy time to be critical of yourself, but even confident people experience relationship insecurity and face unforeseen breakups. Nothing screams at us more critical statements than a romantic relationship we really cared about and put so much work into ending. However, the things that scream loudest, especially loud and mean, are often not true. Instead of screaming back at these thoughts, I like to think of them as an opportunity to get curious about both the critical thoughts and about the relationship itself.
Some questions I might ask myself when I’m hearing a negative thought pattern are, “Where are these thoughts coming from?” and “How am I benefiting from this negative thought pattern?” (And I know sometimes we might think the answer is “I’m not,” but there may be something deeper there).
When it comes to the relationship itself, where you are in the breakup can often guide the curiosity you give yourself. If it’s early on, try asking yourself questions that don’t put pressure on you to move on at a certain pace and instead feel like reasonable questions based on where you are at emotionally.
For example, early on, you might want to ask yourself questions like: “What was I hoping would happen instead of the relationship conflict that caused this breakup?” or “What are the parts of them that I miss, and what are the parts of being in a relationship (that maybe have nothing to do with them) that I miss?”
A few weeks down the line (or whenever you’re ready), these questions might shift more to: “What are the ways I showed up in this relationship that I feel proud of, and what are the ways I wish I had shown up differently?”, “What signs did I possibly overlook that the relationship was struggling?”, and “What do I want in my next relationship that I wasn’t getting out of this one?”
Find A Focus That Feels Good
It’s really normal after a breakup to find yourself preoccupied with what the other person is doing and where they’re at. Constant thoughts about what they’ve done wrong or hurtful, and maybe even intense anxiety about what they’re up to, are very common post-breakup experiences. One suggestion here is that every time you catch yourself wondering about them, acknowledge it, and then ask yourself a similar question.
For example, if you’re wondering what they’re doing, maybe say something to yourself like, “OK, it makes a lot of sense. I’m wondering what they’re doing. I usually would be talking to them right now about that. Is there something I may want to do today that might be good for me?” Or if you catch yourself wondering how they’re feeling, it may be an indicator that it’s time to check in with how you’re feeling.
Finding something that you want to focus on can also be helpful. It can be something small or something big, whatever feels good right now. Do I want to focus on drinking enough water each day? Do I want to pick up a new hobby? What’s something you can do for you that gives you something to put some brain energy toward, because it’s SO easy for your brain energy to go toward them. Some days, this might feel exciting, and other days… not so much. Either way, the important thing is that you’re finding the time and space to take care of you.
Healing Is Possible—Relationship Therapy Can Help
Breakups are tough, and sometimes all the “tools” in the world aren’t enough to get us by. If you find yourself in that situation, it’s totally OK to rely on a support group or seek an online relationship therapy practice to help get you through. We don’t have to do breakups alone. Be gentle with yourself, stay curious instead of critical, and rely on the support you can trust as needed.
Find Relief After Heartbreak Through Relationship Issues Therapy In NYC
Breakups can shake even the most grounded and confident individuals, but healing is absolutely possible. Relationship therapy in NY & NJ offers a supportive space to process grief, rebuild self-trust, and gain clarity about what you want moving forward. At Connected Healing Therapy, our NYC-based team specializes in helping clients navigate the emotional aftermath of breakups, especially those who appear strong on the outside but feel overwhelmed internally. If you're struggling to move on, know that you don’t have to do it alone.
Here’s how to get started:
Explore whether online relationship therapy is right for you by scheduling a consultation.
Work with a relationship therapist in NY who understands the complex emotions that follow a breakup.
Rediscover your emotional strength, deepen your self-awareness, and move toward healthier relationships.
Other Online Therapy Services We Offer In New York & New Jersey
Recovering from a breakup can leave you feeling disoriented, but therapy for relationship issues in NYC can help you find your footing, rediscover your self-worth, and create space for growth and healing. At our online New York therapy practice, we know that breakups often resurface deeper emotional patterns that extend beyond one relationship. That’s why our support goes beyond traditional relationship counseling and breakup therapy. We offer a full spectrum of mental health services to meet your unique needs, including individual therapy, EMDR, anxiety support, and ADHD services. Whether you're working through grief, confusion, or the urge to repeat old patterns, our compassionate team is here to walk with you every step of the way.
About The Author
Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is an experienced online relationship therapist in NYC who specializes in helping individuals heal from breakups, overcome relationship anxiety, and break free from patterns that make love feel confusing or overwhelming. She earned her Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and is extensively trained in evidence-based approaches such as EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. Kacie integrates these methods to help clients process emotional pain, rebuild their sense of self, and move toward more secure, meaningful relationships.
Throughout her career, Kacie has worked with high-functioning individuals who feel confident in areas like work and friendships, but struggle to find the same emotional stability in romantic relationships, especially after a breakup. As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, she built her practice on the belief that connection itself can be a path to healing, guided by the principle: “We heal in the context of others.”
Kacie’s therapeutic work focuses on turning post-breakup pain into an opportunity for growth. Her compassionate, insight-driven approach empowers clients to reflect on their relational patterns, build emotional resilience, and cultivate deeper, healthier connections in the future.
