As an individual and couples therapist in NYC, I often hear some version of the question: “My partner doesn’t want to go to therapy, and I really think they need to! What do I do?” I feel you. If you’ve found yourself here, there’s probably some level of frustration and concern happening in your relationship. It can feel extremely lonely when you’re trying to work on things in a way that feels best for you, and your partner isn’t joining you in that. The good news (and maybe the frustrating news, too) is that this is incredibly common. Before going into what exactly to do, it can help to explore the ‘why’ behind someone refusing therapy for relationship issues.

Understanding and Curiosity, Even When It’s Hard

We can almost never get someone to do something they don’t want to do without causing some level of harm. Whether that’s harm to the relationship or getting them to go along through guilt or pressure. Either way, we’re faced with a sometimes-uncomfortable truth: we can’t make people do what we want them to do. That even includes things we genuinely believe are best for them. For many people, therapy feels like such an obvious good thing. It’s proven to help individuals and relationships. So why wouldn’t someone want to do something good for us?! It’s totally a fair question that so often comes from a place of care and hope, and may not be as simple as it seems. Some questions that might help you understand your partner's perspective are:

Picture of a stream of water flowing down a mountainside. Are you frustrated with your partner for refusing therapy? Discover the benefits you both stand to gain from individual therapy for relationship issues in NYC.

“What comes up for you when you think about therapy?”
“Is there something about therapy that feels uncomfortable or hard to imagine?"
“Have you had a negative experience with therapy before?"
“Are you concerned that the therapist might take sides or judge us?"
“What would make you feel safe or supported in a setting like that?"

Even if your partner isn’t totally on board with attending relationship issues therapy in NYC, it doesn’t need to mean there isn’t help for you or the relationship.

You Can Still Go to Relationship Therapy Alone

I know this might not be the answer you’re hoping for, especially if you’re already in individual therapy, but it might be the answer you have right now if your partner isn’t quite ready. Relationship struggles always involve two people, and it makes sense to feel like both of you need to make big changes for things to improve. While that may be true, there’s another path: it only takes one person to begin shifting a dynamic between two people. That might not feel ideal, but it is powerful.

If your partner isn’t open to therapy right now, I still recommend continuing on your own and focusing on what you can do differently within the relationship, regardless of what they choose. Sometimes, a shift in one person, especially one rooted in insight and intention, can lead to meaningful change for both people. Your growth, clarity, and sense of emotional security can create a ripple effect that influences how your partner shows up, even outside of ever stepping foot in a therapy room (or screen).

Focus On Requests For Positive Needs, Instead of the Things That Feel Wrong in Your Relationship

Photo of sun rays shining through trees. If your partner refuses to go to therapy, there’s still hope for strengthening your connection. Relationship issues therapy in New York can help you explore different perspectives.

To explain this further, I’ll give a classic example. You walk in the door, and there it is… The dreaded pile of shoes that’s built up over the week. You’re frustrated. I mean, how many times have you asked for this not to happen?! And didn’t you just get that nice piece of furniture that doubles as décor to help fix this? Yet here we are. I get it. In moments like this, it’s easy to reach for something like, “Can you please stop leaving your shoes all over the floor?” A small shift in wording here can open the door for change in your relationship dynamic. For example: “Can we try to be better at putting shoes in the cabinet?”

Here’s what I did there: first, I swapped “you” for “we.” Maybe you also forget sometimes, or maybe you don’t, but “we” tends to soften the message. Second, instead of asking for something not to happen (which often sounds like a criticism to someone else), I made a request for what could happen instead. Requests tend to land more gently on our partners than corrections, which can help to avoid conflict.

I share this to highlight how powerful it can be to focus on what you and your partner can do, and how you ask for it. If relationship issues therapy feels important to you, chances are you’re looking for more connection, support, or understanding. Try asking for those things directly, within the context of therapy or not. You might say something like, “I’m really wanting us to feel more supported by one another, and I think therapy could help us figure out how to do that.” Language can open doors or close them, and while it’s not always easy, choosing words that invite rather than criticize can make all the difference.

Growth is Still Possible—Final Thoughts From a Relationship Issues Therapist in NYC

Picture of a woman lying in a field of flowers with her hands up in the air. You can still get the support you need through individual relationship therapy in NYC, even if your partner refuses to start the work with you.

It’s hard when a relationship you care about doesn’t want to take a step you believe could help both of you. You’re allowed to feel disappointed, confused, or even stuck. Whether or not they’re open to therapy right now, you can still create shifts that matter. While therapy might feel like the most effective tool to build connection, sometimes change starts with how we communicate day to day. Keep showing up with curiosity, compassion, and honesty, and hopefully, you can be surprised with what can grow from there. When you’re ready to explore relationship therapy either separately or together, I’d love to walk this journey with you through my online NYC therapy practice.

Support Your Relationship Through Individual Therapy For Relationship Issues in NYC

It can be incredibly frustrating and painful when your partner refuses to attend therapy, especially when you're eager to grow and heal together. But even if your partner isn’t ready, you can still take powerful steps forward. Individual therapy for relationship issues in NYC can help you process your emotions, communicate more effectively, and better understand the relational dynamics at play. At Connected Healing Therapy, we specialize in helping individuals improve their relationships, even when they’re the only ones coming to therapy.

Here’s how to take that empowering first step:

Find out how therapy can support you—even if your partner isn’t on board (yet) during your first free consultation.
Work one-on-one with an experienced online relationship issues therapist in New York who can help you navigate emotional challenges from your side.
Begin building clarity, emotional resilience, and healthier patterns that can shift your relationship and open the door for better communication.

Online Therapy In New York & New Jersey: Other Services We Provide

Even if your partner isn’t open to therapy, you don’t have to stay stuck in the same frustrating patterns. By attending online relationship issues therapy in NYC on your own, you can begin to better understand your relationship dynamics, shift how you respond, and create healthier ways of relating—regardless of your partner’s willingness to join.

At Connected Healing Therapy, we understand that relationship challenges often reflect deeper personal stressors, unhealed wounds, or long-standing emotional habits. That’s why our NYC online therapy practice offers more than just relationship counseling. We provide a wide range of holistic mental health services to support individuals navigating complex relationship dynamics, including individual therapy, couples therapy, EMDR, and ADHD support.

Whether you're managing conflict on your own, struggling to set boundaries, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed in your relationship, we’re here to help you build emotional strength, clarity, and more empowered connections—starting from within. Read through our relationship blog to learn more, and contact our virtual office when you’re ready to take the first step.

About the Author

Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is passionate about helping individuals navigate the emotional challenges that often arise in romantic relationships—from communication struggles and insecurity to anxiety and fear of vulnerability. She believes that relationship issues are rarely just about the relationship itself—they’re often rooted in deeper emotional patterns that deserve compassionate exploration.

As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, Kacie built her practice around the idea that lasting change begins through connection. Inspired by the belief that “We heal in the context of others,” she works with clients to identify and shift the internal blocks that keep them stuck in painful relational cycles.

Kacie holds a Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and brings a depth of training in approaches such as EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. She integrates these evidence-based methods to help clients build stronger emotional foundations, break recurring patterns, and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships—from the inside out.

What to Do When Your Partner Refuses to Go to Therapy