Should You Wait for Someone Who Isn’t Ready to Commit? A NYC Therapist’s Advice
The word “situationship” was invented in the past two years for a reason, and that’s because situationships are happening all over, especially in New York City. This is the thing about a situationship: it’s still a relationship (hence the “-ship”). However, it’s a relationship without commitment. What to do when in a situationship can be such a tough dilemma.
Our relationships are so important to us. In fact, they’re some of the most important parts of our lives. It’s not easy to navigate a relationship when we want to be with someone, but the commitment is only there sometimes. It often leaves people wondering what to do and how long to wait. Here is some insight I often share with clients in relationship therapy sessions.
Will They Change?
When I’m sitting with clients who are in this kind of situation, I often shift the focus away from the question of whether change is possible. Focusing too much on that idea can give us hope that can actually keep us feeling more stuck. As a relationship therapist in NYC, I truly believe that almost everyone is capable of change. In relationships, however, there’s an important distinction: believing that people can and will change doesn’t always mean we wait for the change. The possibility of change isn’t the same thing as the reality of someone choosing to commit.
Now, I don’t say this to suggest that you have to leave if someone isn’t ready to commit. The decision to stay or leave in a situationship is deeply personal and only you can decide this when the time is right. What I do suggest, though, is asking yourself a slightly different question, one that doesn’t have a clear right or wrong answer: What may the impact be on me while I’m waiting for this change?
For example, if commitment doesn’t happen for another two years, are you willing to sustain the impact of what that lack of commitment means for you during that time? Maybe it’s a hit to your self-worth, or a delay in the timeline you were hoping for when it comes to building a family or your long-term future. Even if the best-case scenario happens and your situationship does eventually become the committed relationship you want, it’s worth asking yourself: How will my time you spent waiting impact me in the meantime?
Why Might Someone Not Be Ready to Commit?
There are many reasons why someone might not be ready to commit to a relationship. Sometimes it’s about the stage of life they’re in or the other commitments they’re juggling, like their career, education, or family responsibilities. Other times, what they’re going through may be deeper and tied to fears of vulnerability or attachment wounds, such as avoidant attachment.
When we want commitment from someone who isn’t ready to give it, it’s so easy to personalize it. In fact, I think most of us have been there. We might assume it means we’re unlikable, not enough, or somehow failing at dating. The reality is that someone’s inability to commit is rarely a reflection of our worth. More often, it’s about what’s going on for them and can very well be something that may have absolutely nothing to do with us.
What About Communication Skills?
When it comes to deciding whether or not to stay with someone who isn’t ready to commit, their communication skills can be valuable information to guide you. For example, do they communicate clearly and openly with you? Someone who takes the initiative to explain that they need time to work through a tough family situation before they can invest more in the relationship is very different from someone who strings you along without ever giving a clear answer. Notice whether they’re avoiding conversations about commitment altogether or if they’re still showing you care and effort even without the label of a committed romantic relationship. These differences matter and can help you better understand if the relationship may be successful in the long term.
Whether or not your relationship has a committed label, you are still in a relationship with another person where you deserve respect, honesty, and care. Does this person show up for you when you need support? Do they make you feel valued and seen, or do you find yourself shrinking your own needs just to maintain the connection? If the relationship feels one-sided and you’re carrying most of the emotional weight, that’s important information to pay attention to as you decide whether to wait for someone who isn’t ready to commit.
Final Thoughts From a Relationship Therapist in New York City
This isn’t only about whether your partner is capable of committing but also about how waiting impacts you. Your needs, your values, and your sense of self-worth matter deeply, no matter what label the relationship has. You deserve a relationship where your needs feel seen and supported and where you feel chosen every day. If you’re looking for compassionate support and guidance, I invite you to reach out to Connected Healing Therapy by phone at (631) 618-8528 or email at kaciemitterando@kmlcsw.com.
Gain Clarity and Confidence Through Online Relationship Therapy in New York, NY
When someone you care about isn’t ready to commit, it can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and stuck between waiting and moving on. Relationship therapy can help you sort through these emotions, understand your needs more clearly, and make decisions that align with your well-being. At Connected Healing Therapy, we aim to support people who struggle with relationship uncertainty, anxiety, and self-doubt—offering tools and guidance to help you feel more secure and empowered in love.
Here’s how to take the next step toward clarity and peace of mind:
Explore whether relationship therapy is right for you. Start with a free consultation.
Work with a compassionate online therapist in New York City who understands the challenges of commitment fears and relationship anxiety.
Gain the confidence, self-awareness, and direction to choose what’s best for your future—whether that means waiting, setting boundaries, or moving forward.
Additional Services I Offer Online in New York
Uncertainty about commitment often stirs up more than just questions about your relationship. It can trigger deeper feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or fear of abandonment. Online relationship therapy provides a safe space to explore these emotions and strengthen your sense of self, no matter what your partner decides. At our virtual therapy practice in NYC, we believe that growth happens when we address not only the relationship dynamics but also the underlying personal struggles fueling them.
That’s why we provide more than just therapy for relationship concerns. We provide a full range of mental health services in New York and New Jersey tailored to your unique needs, including individual therapy, couples counseling, EMDR therapy, and ADHD treatment. You can also follow us on Instagram and read our mental health blog, and reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Whether you’re navigating mixed signals in love, working through attachment wounds, or simply trying to feel more secure in yourself, our team is here to guide you toward clarity, resilience, and healthier connections.
About the Author
Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping clients navigate relationship uncertainty, commitment fears, and recurring patterns of anxiety in love. She understands how confusing it can feel to care deeply for someone who isn’t ready to commit, and she provides tools to help clients gain clarity, confidence, and emotional security.
Kacie earned her Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and is trained in evidence-based modalities such as EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. She thoughtfully integrates these approaches to support clients in identifying unhelpful relationship dynamics, processing past wounds, and building healthier connections.
As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, Kacie created her practice around the principle that “We heal in the context of others.” This belief drives her passion for guiding people through relational struggles, empowering them to make intentional choices that honor both their needs and their long-term well-being.
