What Are the Symptoms of ROCD? Recognizing Signs & When to Seek Support
While Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD) isn’t an official diagnosis in the DSM-5, it is a recognized term used to describe a subset of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). ROCD involves obsessions and compulsions that are directly connected to one’s relationships. It often includes distressing or unwanted thoughts and fears about the relationship. This can lead to significant anxiety and an increased need for reassurance from a partner. Many people, even those in healthy relationships, experience occasional anxieties and worries. However, as I often see in relationship therapy sessions, ROCD goes beyond that.
What Is Relationship OCD?
Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD) is a form of OCD where the focus of obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors centers on romantic relationships. Some of the more commonly recognized OCD concerns are around safety, perfectionism, or germs. With ROCD, the unwanted thoughts and compulsions are similar. The difference is that they zero in on doubts, fears, and anxieties about your partner or the relationship itself. These thoughts often feel intrusive, repetitive, and unwanted. They can also create a strong urge to “do something” in order to reduce the discomfort. Like repetitive calls or attempts to connect with your partner.
What Are Common Obsessions in ROCD?
Any form of OCD comes with two parts: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are the intrusive thoughts that create distress. Compulsions are the behaviors people do in response to that distress (which can also create more distress). With ROCD, the obsessions show up as unwanted, repetitive thoughts directly related to your relationship. Many of these thoughts have little or no real evidence behind them, but they can still feel consuming. Some examples include:
Doubts about your partner or feelings. You might find yourself asking, “Do I really love them?” or “How can I be sure they’re the right person for me?”
Comparisons to others. With social media at your fingertips, it’s easy to constantly measure your relationship against what you see online. Or even compare your partner to friends’ significant others after a social gathering.
Fear of making the wrong choice. You may worry that you’re making a mistake by staying in the relationship, even if it seems great. It can also feel like a “lose-lose” no matter what you decide. Thoughts like, “Am I settling if I stay?” or “If I leave, am I losing my chance at being with the person I’m meant for?” are common.
Hyperfocus on changing feelings. It’s normal for emotions to ebb and flow in any relationship. With ROCD, even small normal shifts can feel alarming. A day where you feel less “in love” may spark intrusive thoughts like, “Why don’t I feel as in love today as I did yesterday?” or “Is there something wrong with my relationship because I feel differently often?”
What Are Common Compulsions in ROCD?
Compulsions are the behaviors people exhibit in an attempt to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsessions. While there are parts of the compulsion that may be helpful in the moment, they are often temporary protective measures that can make the symptoms of ROCD feel worse in the long term. Some common compulsions include:
Reassurance seeking: Reassurance seeking involves frequently asking your partner if they love you or if things are “okay.” Sometimes this may come after a perceived disconnection or can come about for what may seem like not much reason at all.
Excessive checking for connection: This can involve rereading texts, analyzing your partner's tone in conversations, or checking their social media for indicators of their current feelings.
Mental reviewing: Mental reviewing may involve going over past relationship moments in your head to “prove” to yourself that the relationship is real or in a safe place.
How to Tell if it’s ROCD or Normal Thoughts
I often reassure clients through my online NYC therapy practice that questioning your relationship from time to time is completely normal. Most people occasionally wonder if they’re in the “right” relationship. And many people in healthy relationships notice their feelings shift from day to day. Because fluctuations like these are so normal, it can sometimes feel confusing to know when those thoughts are harmless and when they’re instead becoming harmful.
With ROCD, the difference lies in the frequency and intensity of the thoughts, as well as the relief from the behaviors that come with them. One helpful way to spot the difference is noticing whether the compulsions (like reassurance-seeking) actually relieve the insecurity. For example, if your partner reassures you and you still don’t feel better. Or if you only feel relief for a very short time, that may signal ROCD rather than typical relationship worries. Typical relationship worries come and go without taking over. On the other hand, ROCD tends to feel consuming, urgent, and difficult to quiet.
When to Seek Support From a Relationship Therapist in New York City
If you notice that your relationship worries feel overwhelming and almost impossible to turn off, it may be time to seek support. If you’re noticing you’re preoccupied during your daily life tasks, such as focusing at work or enjoying time with your friends, you don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable to reach out for support. A relationship therapist experienced with ROCD can provide the space to unpack what’s happening and learn how to feel true relief instead of temporary reassurance.
When you’re ready to start your therapeutic journey, I invite you to contact me by phone at (631) 618-8528 or send an email to kaciemitterando@kmlcsw.com.
Navigate ROCD Through Online Relationship Therapy in New York, NY
If obsessive doubts or intrusive thoughts keep interrupting your relationship, you don’t have to keep battling them alone. Relationship therapy can help you identify the symptoms of ROCD, understand where they come from, and learn healthier ways to respond so your relationship doesn’t get overshadowed by constant worry. At Connected Healing Therapy, we work with clients who experience relationship anxiety, insecurity, and patterns that make love feel confusing instead of secure.
Here’s how to begin finding relief and clarity:
Explore whether relationship therapy is right for you. Start your journey with a free consultation.
Work with an experienced online relationship therapist in New York who understands the challenges of relationship OCD and anxiety.
Build the skills and confidence to quiet intrusive thoughts and create more peace and security in your relationships.
More Ways We Can Support Your Healing Through Online Therapy in New York, NY
ROCD symptoms can feel overwhelming, but they often connect to larger patterns of anxiety, insecurity, or past experiences. Relationship therapy can help you work through not only the obsessive doubts tied to your relationship but also the underlying struggles that may be fueling them. At Connected Healing Therapy, we take a whole-person approach because healing rarely happens in isolation.
That’s why we offer more than just therapy for ROCD in New York and New Jersey. We provide a variety of mental health services to meet your needs, including individual therapy, EMDR therapy, couples counseling, and ADHD support. Whether you’re working to quiet intrusive thoughts, address unresolved attachment wounds, or simply build more confidence in love and life, we’re here to guide you with compassion and evidence-based care.
Wherever you are on your journey, we’re here to support you. We encourage you to read our blog for therapeutic insights, follow us on Instagram for frequent updates, and book an appointment when you’re ready to begin our work together.
About the Author
Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker with extensive experience helping individuals navigate relationship anxiety, including the challenges of ROCD (Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). She specializes in guiding clients who feel stuck in cycles of intrusive thoughts, constant doubt, or fear of making the wrong choice in love. With a Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and training in evidence-based modalities such as EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT, Kacie combines proven therapeutic methods to help clients reduce anxiety and build emotional security.
Throughout her career, Kacie has worked with individuals who appear confident and capable in many areas of life, but find themselves overwhelmed by obsessive worry in their romantic relationships. As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, she built her practice on the belief that “We heal in the context of others.” This philosophy shapes her approach to helping clients break free from the grip of ROCD and rediscover clarity, confidence, and peace in both themselves and their relationships.
