Fear of Abandonment—What It Is And How Relationship Therapy Helps Support You
The fear of abandonment is a deep worry (and sometimes a belief) that those you love will leave you, either physically or emotionally. Our relationships with the people we care about are often tied to a deeper sense of safety. So when those relationships feel at risk, our bodies and brains don’t always perceive it as just a “bad thing.” It can feel much more serious.
In fact, the threat of losing a close relationship is often interpreted more like a life-or-death situation. Because of this, fear of abandonment is not only deeply human but also more common than you might think. In this blog, we’ll explore what the fear of abandonment really is, where it may come from, and what your options are when you’re feeling this way.
What Actually Is Fear of Abandonment?
After working as a relationship issues therapist in New York with people who experience a fear of abandonment, I’ve noticed a few things. First, we don’t always realize that fear of abandonment is what we’re actually experiencing. We might notice that we feel anxious in relationships often or that we’re behaving in ways we don’t like toward our partners when something feels off.
Someone with a fear of abandonment might ask me, “Why do I call them so many times when they’re out with their friends?” or “How can I stop threatening to end the relationship when we fight?” Once these initial questions are talked through and fear of abandonment is named, the next thing I often hear is, “But how could I have a fear of abandonment when no one has ever really left me?” Ah… that really is a great question, because how confusing is that?!
When we think of the word abandonment, we often immediately associate it with a physical state of someone leaving or not being there after a breakup. However, abandonment, especially in the context of relationships, usually applies to something much, much deeper. Fear of abandonment can show up for someone who had a physically absent parent. However, it also shows up in many people whose parents were physically present throughout their lives.
In fact, physical presence doesn’t directly correlate with how emotionally available the people in your life have been. This is especially true during childhood. Maybe you had a parent you didn’t feel comfortable expressing your emotions to. Perhaps you couldn’t consistently rely on them for emotional support after a bad day. Either way, you’ve experienced some level of emotional abandonment. Consistent lack of emotional presence over time can lead to a fear of abandonment at any point in a person's life, even at the beginning of a relationship.
How Fear of Abandonment Shows Up in Adult Relationships
So, what does fear of abandonment mean for my relationships now? I feel you, because this can be really hard. Fear of abandonment often presents in the body as intense anxiety and worry. This makes relationships (which are supposed to be our safe and calm places) feel stressful and sometimes chaotic. Some common behaviors that often have roots in abandonment include:
over-apologizing
emotional reactivity and difficulty regulating emotions
threatening to leave (to protect yourself from being abandoned first)
feeling extreme anxiety or preoccupation with any sense of perceived distance from your loved one
Often, people who struggle with fear of abandonment have been described as “too much,” “clingy,” “high maintenance,” or “too needy.” It’s important to note that these are judgmental labels for behaviors that often stem from deep emotional struggles, and they are not the truth. These behaviors are protective strategies developed in response to past wounds.
While yes, they may not always be helpful in relationships, they certainly don’t deserve judgment. If you’ve ever been described as “too needy,” chances are you’re simply a human who has needs. With guidance through my online therapy practice in NYC, you can learn to identify, manage, and express these needs in ways that help you get them met more effectively.
How Therapy For Relationship Issues in NYC Helps
One of the reasons therapy is so effective is that it gives you the opportunity to develop a healthy and secure relationship with your therapist. This relationship allows you to experience the emotional safety and love you both deserve and are capable of giving. That alone can be incredibly healing for deep relational wounds, such as a fear of abandonment. On top of that, there are also specific therapeutic techniques and modalities that support this healing process.
Therapy can help you recognize and name when your fear of abandonment is being triggered, which often makes it easier to manage in the moment. Modalities like IFS (Internal Family Systems) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can go even deeper. Helping to heal the root of your fear so it gets triggered less often in the first place. This means less management may be needed over time. Therapy also helps you practice emotional regulation and challenge core beliefs. Allowing you to build healthier relationships that are better equipped to meet your emotional needs.
If you’re struggling with a fear of abandonment in your relationships, you’re not alone, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with you. Fear of abandonment is a deeply human response to experiences that have felt unsafe or uncertain (even if you didn’t realize it at the time). With the right support, insight, and tools, you can begin to feel more secure in yourself and your relationships.
Find Stability and Connection Through Relationship Therapy in NYC
Fear of abandonment can make even the most loving relationships feel uncertain and emotionally draining. If you find yourself anxiously clinging, pulling away, or constantly questioning your worth in relationships, you’re not alone. Relationship therapy can help you uncover where these fears come from and how to move forward with greater self-trust and emotional stability. Through our online therapy practice in NYC, our skilled therapists support clients who struggle with attachment wounds, insecurity, and recurring fears of being left. You don’t have to manage this alone—healing is possible with the right support.
Take the next step toward feeling more secure and grounded:
Discover how therapy can help you work through a fear of abandonment by booking a consultation.
Connect with a relationship issues therapist in New York who understands the roots of emotional disconnection.
Begin building more balanced relationships, starting with a stronger connection to yourself.
Other Therapy Services We Provide Online in New York & New Jersey
Fear of abandonment can create deep emotional distress, often leaving you feeling unworthy, anxious, or hyper-alert to signs of rejection—even in safe, loving relationships. Through virtual therapy for relationship issues in NYC, you can begin to understand these patterns, build emotional resilience, and form more secure, balanced connections. At Connected Healing Therapy, we recognize that fear of abandonment is often rooted in unresolved personal experiences, which is why our approach goes beyond surface-level relationship work.
Our NYC therapy team offers a variety of integrated mental health services designed to support the full emotional landscape of your healing journey. These include individual therapy, couples therapy, EMDR, and ADHD treatment. Whether you’re processing childhood attachment wounds, rebuilding trust after relational trauma, or trying to feel more grounded in your current partnership, we’re here to guide you with care and expertise, every step of the way.
About the Author
Kacie Mitterando, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker with extensive experience helping individuals navigate relationship anxiety, fears of abandonment, breakups, and emotional patterns that often feel overwhelming or confusing. She holds a Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and is trained in several evidence-based modalities, including EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. By integrating these approaches, Kacie supports her clients in working through deep-rooted emotional wounds and developing healthier, more secure relationships.
Throughout her career, Kacie has guided both women and men who excel in areas like career and friendship—but struggle with intense anxiety, clinginess, or fear of rejection in romantic relationships. As the founder and CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, she named her practice to reflect the central principle of her work: “We heal in the context of others.”
Kacie’s therapeutic philosophy is rooted in the idea that while relationships can activate our deepest insecurities, they can also become powerful catalysts for growth and healing. Her compassionate, insight-driven approach empowers clients to move through the fear of abandonment and build emotional resilience that transforms the way they connect—with others and with themselves.
