Books To Read For Relationship Anxiety
Are you looking for a book to read in between your relationship therapy sessions? Welcome to the Books to Read series. One of the most common questions I get from clients, colleagues, and friends is for book recommendations. Every few weeks, I’ll pick a different topic and add a new blog with my recommended books to the series. If you’re looking for a book on a specific topic to supplement your therapy, reach out to us and let us know, and we’ll create a series for that topic! This week, I’m focusing on all things related to relationships and relationship issues.
Attached by Amir Levine
Starting off strong, Attached by Amir Levine is usually the first book I recommend to anyone wanting to understand their relationship issues. As a relationship therapist in NY, I’ve noticed that when we talk about relationship anxiety, what we’re actually discussing is attachment. Simply put, attachment refers to our connection to other people, and attachment style is the way we relate to those people. There are different types of attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, secure, and disorganized.
People with an anxious attachment style can often be preoccupied with their relationships. They think about their relationship a lot and wonder when their anxiety will go away. They often feel insecure in their relationships. This causes worry about whether their partner truly loves them, which can lead to a strong fear of abandonment. On the other hand, those with an avoidant attachment style often see intimacy as a loss of independence. They might try to keep their distance and may even end relationships when things start to get too close. Another attachment style discussed in the book is the anxious-avoidant attachment. Also known as disorganized attachment. This describes people who experience both anxious and avoidant tendencies, sometimes at the same time.
The attachment style many people aim for is a secure attachment. People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and approach relationships in a warm, trusting way. It’s important to note that attachment style can change over time and isn’t set in stone. However, understanding your attachment style can bring clarity and closure to past relationships. In turn, it can help improve the relationships you’re in now. If safety and security in relationships is your goal, I’d definitely start here.
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
I cannot recommend this book enough at my New York counseling practice! Emily Nagoski is a Doctor of Health Behavior and Human Sexuality. In Come as You Are, she discusses everyone’s unique sexuality and how it specifically impacts women. She helps women work toward removing judgment around their own sexuality and normalizing their sexual well-being. In a world where women’s sexuality is often misunderstood, Emily’s book serves as its own world of healing. While this book doesn’t discuss relationship anxiety specifically, it’s beneficial for everyone, whether in a relationship or not. Relationship issues can often show up through sexuality or a sexual relationship with another person. That’s why it can be really helpful to explore your own relationship to sex while working on relationship anxiety. Additionally, while this book focuses on women’s sexuality, educating ourselves about the sexuality of all people benefits everyone. It’s a valuable read for people of all genders, and one I frequently recommend to those in therapy for relationship issues.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
I don’t personally believe that there is negative dependency, as codependency can often imply. However, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie can offer clarity and skills for people who struggle with relationship anxiety. Does someone else’s problem become your problem? Do you feel like your closest relationships are taking advantage of you? Is it hard not to take things personally? Do you find yourself making excuses for others' behavior? If you relate to any of these, this book may be helpful. It includes self-tests, exercises, and personal reflections that can help with your healing journey, especially if you’re at the start of it. There’s either a dependency that’s working for you or a dependency that’s not working for you. As long as you keep this in mind and remember that no dependency is bad, I’d say give this book a shot!
Wired For Love by Stan Tatkin
I recommend this book for those who have already read Attached by Amir Levine and want to learn even more about attachment style. Or those who may lean more towards having an avoidant attachment style. This book offers a more in-depth approach to the neuroscience behind attachment. It includes even more research on what makes relationships work and how to ensure that love lasts long term. Wired For Love includes proven strategies on how to stay connected with your partner, help see another person’s point of view, and understand all the complexities that go into a long-term relationship.
Whether you're navigating relationship anxiety, healing from a tough breakup, or just wanting to better understand yourself in love, these books can offer support and insight in between therapy sessions. We are never alone, no matter how lonely we may feel, and books can be some of the best companions on our journey.
As always, if there’s a relationship topic you’re curious about or want more resources for, let us know!
Begin Therapy For Relationship Anxiety In NYC
You deserve to experience relationships without the weight of constant overthinking, fear of abandonment, or anxiety about dating and connection. Relationship therapy can empower you to feel more grounded, confident, and secure. At Connected Healing Therapy in NYC, our compassionate therapists specialize in relationship anxiety and romantic challenges—and we're here to support your healing.
Take the first step toward more fulfilling relationships:
Reach out to schedule your initial consultation
Meet with a skilled and supportive relationship therapist in NY
Gain the tools and confidence to create healthy, lasting connections
Other Services Offered By Connected Healing Therapy In New York & New Jersey
Emotional challenges often overlap, and healing isn’t always limited to one area of life. That’s why our NY therapy practice provides a wide range of services to our clients in New York and New Jersey. Beyond therapy for relationship anxiety, we also specialize in EMDR therapy, individual therapy, couples therapy, and ADHD services. Whether you’re battling relationship anxiety, facing a difficult breakup, or simply looking to grow, we encourage you to reach out for support.
About The Author
Kacie Mitterando is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with specialized experience in relationship anxiety, breakups, and patterns in love that feel overwhelming and unmanageable. She earned her Master’s in Social Work from Stony Brook University and is trained in EMDR, EFT, DBT, IFS, and CBT. Kacie blends these approaches to help clients heal past wounds and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Throughout her career, Kacie has worked with women and men who feel secure and successful in areas like career and friendship but find romantic relationships to be the place where anxiety, insecurity, or overthinking shows up. As the CEO of Connected Healing Therapy, she chose the name of her practice to reflect the heart of her work and one of her favorite quotes: “We heal in the context of others.”
While so much of our pain stems from harming one another, Kacie deeply believes that people are just as capable of healing one another. This belief is at the core of her work and why she feels therapy can be such a powerful tool for healthier relationships.
